Why Setting Boundaries Could Feel Wrong

Boundaries are a natural part of growing. That’s how the world works. You meet people, they become part of your life, and after some time, those you met are no longer part of your life. And now, it’s time to set some boundaries with people that don’t fit your life anymore. This isn’t bad, but it feels wrong.

We all have boundaries, whether we recognize them or not, but many of us have trouble with setting boundaries, instead choosing to let them slide. When that happens, we are left feeling drained and resentful. But boundaries aren’t just about feeling resentful. They can have a profound impact on our mental and physical health.

5 Reasons Why Guilt Shows Up When Setting Boundaries

Fear

Setting boundaries, especially in the beginning, can feel wrong. Some people hesitate to do that because they fear they will set themselves or the other person free.

Need for Approval

Setting boundaries for unhealthy relationships can feel wrong, even though it’s the right thing to do. Our culture teaches us that we need to be available at all times, and our egos often hold us back from setting “unpopular” boundaries. But, setting limits on negative people in your life may be the most important step you can take to protect your mental and physical health.

Commitment

But setting boundaries is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. Studies show that men and women in committed relationships who set boundaries with their partners are happier, healthier, and less likely to cheat.

Bad Feelings

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable. Indeed, the word uncomfortable comes up a lot in conversations about boundaries. Because it means giving up parts of ourselves that feel threatened. But as we become more aware, we understand boundaries are necessary. Setting boundaries help us feel whole.

Failure

Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial to your emotional survival. When you set healthy boundaries, you stop letting people treat you like a doormat, and in the process, you stop allowing other people to treat you like a doormat. Unfortunately, setting boundaries feels more like a failure than a success because, deep down, most of us believe that everyone deserves kindness.

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy. But I think we can all agree that they are necessary. Healthy ones, anyway. Boundaries define your limits, and they keep you from going past them. But for some people, boundaries are uncomfortable. Maybe they’re afraid to disappoint someone or fearful of hurting their feelings. Perhaps they’re just too lovely and have a hard time saying no. While boundaries may feel hard, they’re necessary.

It’s natural to feel a sense of discomfort when establishing limits, especially in contexts where societal norms or personal expectations collide. The fear of disappointing others or being perceived as uncooperative can make asserting boundaries seem counterintuitive. In relationships, whether personal or professional, this discomfort can be magnified and turn into a complete breakdown, so much so that then the only way to establish boundaries is through a Family Lawyer Phoenix (or wherever you live) and court-mandated restrictions. Boundaries, therefore, are important in any relationship and need to be enforced one way or another.

Setting boundaries, even if they’re healthy boundaries, can feel incredibly uncomfortable. For the socially anxious and introverted, it can feel invasive and intrusive to their sense of safety. But boundaries are important and just as important as they are the skills necessary to communicate them.

Setting boundaries can feel awkward. However, learning how to set them with someone you love is essential to living a fulfilling life. Boundaries set what’s okay and what isn’t. By setting them, you’re establishing both personal limits and relationship expectations. The boundaries you set will help keep you in control of your own life. Setting them in a relationship of any kind can feel awkward, but for sexually intimate relationships, boundaries can feel like walking on eggshells.

Setting boundaries by learning how to say no, and setting boundaries around others who feel uncomfortable. Many of us were raised not to hurt anyone’s feelings. We may have been told not to say certain things or that we must be nice to everyone, even when we feel uncomfortable. We found that if we didn’t agree, do something, say anything, or feel a certain way, we were in trouble. It created a sense of obligation and fear that we would be criticized or punished.

For most of us, setting limits is an unavoidable part of life, whether we’re living with our partner, family, co-workers, or friends. And when it comes to setting boundaries with a partner, can be especially difficult. But setting healthy boundaries with your partner can have huge benefits for your relationships, as well as your mental and physical health.