Exquisite

 

Exquisite by Ella Frank

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What. The Hell. Was that?

Let me start off by saying I am an Ella Frank fan. I absolutely LOVE her books Try and Take and gave them both 5 stars. I recommend them to people all the time because of the characters, the plot, the steam, the angst.
^^^All of that was missing in this book. So Ella, if you ever see this, please ignore and know that I do love other books by you, this one just was not for me.

This book has so many 4 and 5 star reviews, I’m actually bewildered that I didn’t like it.

I rarely, if ever, give 1 star reviews, but this book is getting a rage rant. So fans of the book steer clear. Other readers, even though I hated this book I encourage you to read this author’s M/M series because it’s absolutely fantastic. Just skip this book.

The Plot:

Lena is an uptight doctor with issues. Mason is a hot restaurant owner with swag (yes I used swag in a sentence). When they first meet, she’s a bitch and he’s a dick, and yet they are both oh so attracted to each other. Here is where the whiplash montage of dating failures and success occurs.

****WARNING, THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD!!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE SPOILED!!!!****
Cue spoiler rant:

Lena is such a bitch. I never, not once felt sorry for her at any point in the book after the prologue. The fact that Mason went after her just points to the myriad of personal issues he’s toting along. So despite this, there is a huge amount of instalust between the two of them (something else I hate).

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So despite hating each other, the two decide to go out on a date at 7% into the book. I was sitting here like this:
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So then begins the flirting stage which, as another reviewer once so eloquently put it (that’s you Kat Stark!), made my lady boner shrink up. I mean, I was reading lines like this one:

“I want to unravel that hair and wrap it around my cock and stroke myself with it”

OMG GROSS. Dude, no way. If he asked me to do that, I’d ask him to buy me cleansing hair products. Ugh.

Anyways, there’s a shower and tub masturbation scene that gave me more secondhand embarrassment than the scene in Dirty Dancing when Baby danced with Johnny for the first time. And believe me, that’s painful.

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Near 61% of the way in the book became so damn cheesy, which is something I loathe in my romance. I still haven’t connected to either of these characters at this point, and I honestly don’t see the connection between the two of them.

And then, at 68%, my hatred for Lena was cemented. Lena goes to visit a baby/toddler dying of a combo of leukemia and pneumonia and the entire time she was thinking “I wonder what he meant when he gave me the key to his place?”
Are you fucking kidding me? This child is DYING and it’s the saddest thing I can think of and you are contemplating what getting a copy of his key meant? DIE BITCH DIE!!!

So basically by 70% or so when his mom dies and Mason freaks out on Lena and starts drinking, I was just done. DONE DONE DONE. And then he gets mad at her for something that in my opinion, was doctor/patient confidentiality and dumps her? They fucking deserve each other.

This book made me want to invest in brain bleach.

Anyways, all drama and no angst. Not my cup of tea.

By the way, this was a buddy read with the lovely Jasmine, who was basically amazing/awesome/fantastic and willingly listened to all my rants and let me be a crazy person without actually feeling like one. Sorry I picked a bad book girlie!

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